Reading Notes Week 16: Golden State (Bidart), Part B

This poem was a little hard for me to follow. This is obviously a very deep and personal poem for Frank Bidart, who is addressing his father after he has died. His father does not seem like a very good person to be around, a person with many faults who had a hard time being himself and was never truly happy with his life. Frank talks about how his father would mess up his marriage with his mom by drinking too much and sleeping with other women, beg for her back, and repeat, all the while claiming “Your mother is the only woman I’ve ever loved.” (Bidart) Franks struggles with the desire to understand his father, knowing full well that he never really will get why he chose to do the things he did.

Bidart explains that although he doesn’t understand  the importance of a letter that his father had written him while he was in Paris,  he reads it almost every day. From what the letter says, it seems like Frank’s father is pretty self centered, only mentioning his son’s trip to Paris a couple of times, one of which was just saying how he won’t get the chance to go, so if he could find a “special gal between 28 & 35 [to] send her over [to him] “ because there aren’t many girls for him in Bakersfield.

Bidart explains how his father was proud of him for graduating Harvard, and although it was the only time he was proud of him, he could still feel that he was not accepted. He talks about how his father asked him for a large loan to buy some cattle and start their own company, however he denies his fathers request because he cannot be trusted with money. He ends the poem by saying that he wishes he could understand his father a little more so that they could “begin to release from each other” but recognizes that there is “no such knowledge possible.” This was a sad, yet at the same time kind of therapeutic poem to read. A lot of people (myself included) do not have a great relationship with their father, and can definitely relate to this poem and Frank trying to figure out some way to understand his father a little better after his death. I think I will have to read this one a couple more times to really understand it, but I did enjoy it a lot.